The Wall

***Warning*** Honest post ahead.

I feel like I am running a marathon right now. Seriously this is an emotional marathon. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The problem is everytime I get close to the finish line it gets moved a little beyond sight again. I'm tired. I'm emotionally tired. I'm mentally tired. I'm just tired.

The latest news is that the Ministry who is processing that last bit of paperwork is undergoing a periodic audit. Things have slowed down, not stopped completely, but slowed down. I was really thinking I would be submitted for EP with my group of "Marcher" friends. But our group was broken up. I'm hurting for my friends. I'm sad that things are slowing again. I just want to get out of this race. I am not going to quit my daugter is waiting at the finish line.

I'm trying to emotionally invest in the final preperations for my baby girls arrival in my family, but I just can't seem to do it. I go through the motions of getting things ready I am working on the finishing touches of her room. I just can't seem to believe that it is going to happen. I think I have shut myself off from trying to see the finish line.

I know that she is worth all of this and more. I know that I will one day forget about this hurt. I know one day I will hold my girl in my arms. I am just so tired.

I am trying to stay up beat and positive but I've probably cried more about this in the last month and a half then the whole rest of the nealry two years we have been at this.

So there it is I'm laying my hurt out there for everyone to read. Thanks for listening.

Looking Forward

Today I am looking forward.

I have been blessed on this adoption ride to meet some amazing women. One of those friends invited me to attend the religious ceremony where her daughter became a part of their forever family. Her family was beautiful, her daughter was gorgeous, and the moment was perfect. I was so honored to attend.

I was able to think forward as I watched the reality of a baby home with her family. She was crying out for her mommy and seeking comfort from her siblings. She was happy. She was beautiful. She was real. I'm not going to lie the moment made me miss my baby even more but it also helped to bring comfort to my heart. Thank you T!

Fed-Ex Delivered Again

So in my life right now I love the Fed-Ex man. First he brought me the original pictures of our daughter and today he brought me a gift from a friend. I have met so many adoption friends on this journey. My friend Chrisa is waiting for her referral. She is a jewelry designer and sent me the most gorgeous bracelet. I LOVE IT! It really represents how I feel about my little one and all of the good things about this journey. She has a website check out the link here http://www.chrisawest.com/

Private Blog

Some of you long time readers have still not e-mailed me for an invite to my private blog. Here is my e-mail in case you still want an invite wowluckymama@gmail.com .

Thanks

To everyone who responded to my last post. I have been taught, encouraged, and helped more then I can express. I am much more calm. Thank you so much my friends!

Alright....

I'm feeling a little hopeless at this time and I really need some help. I need to know that this is going to happen. Sometimes I feel like I am not worthy of another child. I wonder if somehow the list is slowing down because I am not meant to have a daughter. SOOOOO all you lovely AAC families out there can you help me calm down. Would you mind sharing the last little bit of your journey? About how long was your wait from #6 to referral? Did you ever get scared that you would be the one it wouldn't happen for? What did you do to get through the wait? I would really appreciate the support. You can leave your comments here or just send them to my email. Some of you have my personal e-mail but if you don't I set up a blog e-mail. it is mathewsadoption @ hotmail . com.

#9

As of monday we are #9 on the waiting list. There is a family on hold that will likely be on hold for a while longer so that makes us #8. The family who received their referral on Thursday is one of my online buddies. Congrats to Jamie and her family their little girl is such a sweet little thing with LOTS of hair.

It's official!

Well the two families who received referrals have finally posted their announcements so I feel like I can say.... WE ARE NUMBER ELEVEN!!!! Also there is a family on hold that may be on hold a while longer so we could be number 10! I am so thrilled for K and C. Congrats ladies!!!!

Congratulations Tracie!!!!

Blog friend Tracie just got her referral!!!!!!!!!!! She and her family have the most adorable little girl waiting for them in Korea. She is such a precious little princess; and so ladylike in her referral picture. Tracie has been a friend during the wait and I am so happy for her.

Baby Claire

Our bloogy friend Shelley received a referral of an adorable baby girl. She has the most amazing kissable cheeks. I love it when a referral happens for someone we "know." Congrats to Shelley, Robert, and "the bean."

Nineteen never felt so good.

My bloggy friend Amber received her referral on Friday. Her baby girl is just beautiful! That officially makes us number nineteen. I'm not sure if it is because nineteen sounds like so much less then twenty or because I know the family who is celebrating their new daughter but I have been so thrilled to be #19 on the list. Congrats Amber and I can't wait until it is our turn to celebrate.

Hey do you want a new camera?????

A blogger friend of mine is trying to raise money for her adoption. She is giving away one (possibly two) amazing super camera prize packages. You can buy a ticket for only $5 the prize is worth more than $600 plus you can sleep well knowing that your money went toward bringing home baby Claire. So skip on over and donate! http://www.asisterforthebean.blogspot.com/