Tuesday, February 9, 2010


I'm feeling a little hopeless at this time and I really need some help. I need to know that this is going to happen. Sometimes I feel like I am not worthy of another child. I wonder if somehow the list is slowing down because I am not meant to have a daughter. SOOOOO all you lovely AAC families out there can you help me calm down. Would you mind sharing the last little bit of your journey? About how long was your wait from #6 to referral? Did you ever get scared that you would be the one it wouldn't happen for? What did you do to get through the wait? I would really appreciate the support. You can leave your comments here or just send them to my email. Some of you have my personal e-mail but if you don't I set up a blog e-mail. it is mathewsadoption @ hotmail . com.


Michelle said...

Ari -
We were on the Boys List so our referral wait time wasn't as long as those of you on the Girls List, however before that, we had already waited more than 2 years with the China program (we're still waiting). We don't have any children yet and often times I wondered if we just weren't meant to have kids or if I was being punished for something I had done in my past.
But, I realized that those thoughts were just me trying to make sense of it all. I needed reason for the delays. Something or someone to "blame" so to speak. You can't think that you aren't deserving of another child. Adoption is a wonderful thing for both your family and your little girl to-be. You all deserve to be together. You're just hitting a rough patch right now - a "funk" and need some support. Hang in there and know that we've all been through it. It will get better and it will pass. :)

Kim said...

Hi there,
I am from the Holt BB and have been following your blog but haven't commented before. I can so relate to how you are feeling. We have two sons and have been trying to adopt a little girl for almost 4 years now. We started out in the Vietnam program, which shut down on us. We then transferred to Kyrgyzstan, got a referral right away of a 10 day old baby girl, flew to Kyrgyzstan to meet her for the required bonding period, and shortly thereafter the Kyrg govt. stopped processing adoptions. It has been over 2 years since then; I have gone back to Kyrg twice since then to visit her and despite US State Dept. intervention, the Kyrgz govt. has still not released the matched and waiting children.

Our home study went to Korea last June, we got a referral in September that we ended up having to turn down because our IA docs all felt she had a complex syndrome that we weren't prepared to deal with. Our agency said that this rarely happens in the Korea program. Why us after all we've already been through?? Trust me, I had the same thoughts as you - are we just not meant to have a daughter?

Well, on December 9 our daughter's referral arrived! She is absolutely perfect. And while the wait to bring her home is excruciating, I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I totally understand how you are feeling. I have felt it so many times during this very long and heartbreaking journey. But we are finally near the end and I know that soon you will be too. Continue to have faith.

Kim H. in Virginia

heidi said...

Hang in there Ari! I have heard the same thing from many people at some point in their adoption processes. You will be matched with a baby girl at some point! No one can say exactly when though. We are sooooo far behind you on the list, so I sincerely hope that baby girls continued to be referred to our agency. I really want a daughter too!

Jayme said...

I hear ya! This waiting thing is for the birds! I've had it! :)

I think of you daily and wonder how you are doing. I totally know how you feel. I hit a breaking point when there were NO referrals from June to September. I lost hope MANY times. Every stage of waiting has it's moments.

It will happen when you least expect it. Hang in there! #6 is SO CLOSE! Your almost there. Let these EP's catch up and then you'll fly through the wait for your TC!!

Steve and Karen said...

If I allowed "signs" to dissuade me from adopoting, I would have quit years ago. I had a country close, Korea disqualified us for health reasons at first, our state changed their homestudy format, EP hold ups, Haiti orphan visa emergency I couldn't get through NVC, and now I can't get through to DC to check on anything because of all the snow their office is closed. When we signed, referral to travel call was 4 mo and now beginning 2 referrals ahead of me it has double to 8 months.
Natural disasters...changes in policy....I would swear that someone was trying to tell me something...just like you feel now. But, don't lose sight of the end result - where all this work and wait is getting us to - keep going...keep focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel. You are in single digits you can see the light.
(It took me 5 months to go from #6 to referral.)

Tracie said...

No advice here, Ari... I feel guilty that our wait went so fast. BUT, do know that I'm thinking of you all the time and am going to be thrilled when you finally "meet" your girl. Hang in there and know that we are all behind you.


Kori said...

Hang in there sweetie! I hardly even remember the wait anymore except for the fact that it was hard! Just checked my timeline and it took 4.5 months for me to get from #6 to referral. I hope it comes quicker for you! :-)