Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Wall

***Warning*** Honest post ahead.

I feel like I am running a marathon right now. Seriously this is an emotional marathon. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The problem is everytime I get close to the finish line it gets moved a little beyond sight again. I'm tired. I'm emotionally tired. I'm mentally tired. I'm just tired.

The latest news is that the Ministry who is processing that last bit of paperwork is undergoing a periodic audit. Things have slowed down, not stopped completely, but slowed down. I was really thinking I would be submitted for EP with my group of "Marcher" friends. But our group was broken up. I'm hurting for my friends. I'm sad that things are slowing again. I just want to get out of this race. I am not going to quit my daugter is waiting at the finish line.

I'm trying to emotionally invest in the final preperations for my baby girls arrival in my family, but I just can't seem to do it. I go through the motions of getting things ready I am working on the finishing touches of her room. I just can't seem to believe that it is going to happen. I think I have shut myself off from trying to see the finish line.

I know that she is worth all of this and more. I know that I will one day forget about this hurt. I know one day I will hold my girl in my arms. I am just so tired.

I am trying to stay up beat and positive but I've probably cried more about this in the last month and a half then the whole rest of the nealry two years we have been at this.

So there it is I'm laying my hurt out there for everyone to read. Thanks for listening.

10 comments:

Steve and Karen said...

Ahh, Mommy....you're love sick and the only medicine that will fix this is that beautiful daughter of yours. Grab your Kleenex....cry if you need to....try to get some rest for yourself and just know that YES...it's not long before all this will be behind you and you will feel so much better....not just better but awesome in fact.

Amber said...

Hang in there. I know it is very hard waiting. You will be on your way soon. That little peanut needs you and you need her.

Jayme said...

Oh Ari - you are almost there. I completely understand getting emotionally tired. It's exhausting. I am so sorry. I hope things pick up and you will get a phone call very soon. Hang in there. I will be praying like crazy for your daughter and you. You're nearing the end, my friend.

The Wies Family said...

I've said this many times to you and I will say it again... you are such a strong woman, I don't think I would be able to go through what you are going through. It must be so hard, but in the end, when you finally hold your daughter, it will be so worth it! If you are ever having a rough day and just need a baby to hug, Brooklyn is just right around the corner... come on over and give her a squeeze:)

Christy said...

So sorry! I hope that you are submitted soon and they speed things up rather than slow them down!!! Hang in there!

heidi said...

Hugs from Colorado! All I can say is keep praying. :)

LearningPatienceAZ said...

My dear friend. I am so sorry that this is so hard. It is no consolation to know that there are many of us in this same boat---BUT, it is a consolation to know that you have so many cheering and praying and sending well wishes in your daughter and your family's direction. I can relate to every thing you said--all I can say is hold on--your wild ride is about to change and you'll feel elation like you've dreamed about!

Sarah B said...

Do what you need to get through this. Anything that distracts you - do that! Your daughter will be fine without a perfect room, every last baby item, or whatever else you need to buy. It sucks sucks sucks SUCKS to be in administrative limbo. But it is temporary and you are closer than you were before. I am relieved to hear that things haven't fully stopped. You'll get there. Hang on.

Three Northern Stars said...

Oh Ari, I remember those last legs of the wait. They are terrible. It truely is one of the hardest things to do. HUGS dear friend. Now go eat some chocolate, watch a sappy movie, have a drink, take a long bath, or have a good cry (maybe all of the above).

Tomi said...

Ari, I totally, completely and unabashedly get it. The exhaustion, the tears, all of it. Hang in there, you're doing great. I know it might not seem like it right now, but you are. Your sweet baby girl will be home soon. Sending you hugs and positive vibes!!!