(warning this post may not going to be very politically correct) Well it is the 8th of September. On Thursday it will have been three months since there was any movement on the waiting list...... I am honestly getting scared. I am scared that we have put our hopes and dreams into this and it's not going to happen. I'm scared that I will dream about this little girl forever and never get to see her face. I am scared that I will never hear baby laughter again in our home. I am scared that someone out there knows something and they are not telling the waiting families. I am scared that the chances of us fulfilling this dream we had for the last 8 years are going to slip through our fingers. I just don't know how much more of the waiting I can take. I want a baby! Before we got on the list last summer it was moving very quickly. There were referrals all the time; three or more some months. We went on the list ten months ago and since then there have been 14 referrals. So if we assume that the last three months are just a fluke and that there will eventually be girl referrals again. There have been about 1.4 referrals per months if this continue at this rate... we are about 10 more months from referral. So............. I would expect a referral next July!!!!!! That is not what I am hoping for. This is assuming that things don't keep slowing down. I called our agency and they don't seem to know anything... They "haven't asked" Korea what is going on with referrals because there are still boy referrals coming in. There are other agencies that partner with Eastern to find families and they don't seem to be getting girl referrals either. So hopefully there are less children available for international adoption because they are being raised by their birth mothers or they are being adopted domestically. This is truly my hope! I just don't know...... I am feeling down about this whole process right now. I want to buy little girl clothes I want to be able to tell my friends and family that yes this isn't just some story Michael and I made up we are getting a little girl; we have a picture to prove it. We are going to go over to Korea and meet a baby and she will come home to our home and she will be ours. I want to find little girl toys all over the house along with the little boy toys. I want to hold her as she cries and laugh with her when she laughs. I want to have three car seats in the back of the car. I want to hear her little dreams. I want to watch her grow and learn. I want to be blessed with one more little person to love. I want the joy and the frustration that comes with parenting. I just want to know if it is going to happen or not. If not I guess I will live with that. It is the unknown that really scares me.